At first glance this title appears to insinuate that including Jesus in your sacrament of marriage might not be a good idea. The impression one might get is that knowing and adding Jesus will bring tension, additional struggles and difficulties to your relationship.

Actually He does, but not for the purpose of destroying your marriage. That is what Satan wants. No, Jesus’ call to discipleship will bring with it a level of tension not only within your marriage but every other relationship as well. For our purposes here, I want to focus on marriage and how He uses it to help us grow. 

In a secular marriage, two people get married.
In the Sacrament of Marriage, three people get married.
You, Your Spouse & Jesus

The simple fact that within the sacrament of marriage Jesus is brought into the union will become a source of tension. Why? When both spouses bring into their new union the person (Jesus) whom they love (or should love) more than their new spouse, a good tension will develop. Jesus is blessing the marriage with his presence and fully intends on using this union to bring each person into perfect, selfless love. 

Greater tension begins to form when your spouse either doesn’t know Jesus or is less committed to Him. You are left with this tension between obeying Christ and loving your spouse who is incapable of loving Jesus as you are at that moment. This equals tension!!!! 

I experienced this type of tension in my marriage when the Lord showed me that we needed to stop charging fees for my services at work. I was scared and full of stress as I tried to “convince” Susan, my wife, that it would be ok. I was already very scared by this call of God and now I was supposed to lead Susan into it? We were both very uncomfortable and yet I was certain that this is what Jesus wanted. Susan was not as comfortable at first but we both came around and trusted the call.

The Lord placed me in this difficult tension between His will and my desire to please Susan. If I had listened only to the tension (fear), I would have disobeyed the Lord and both of us would not have grown to trust the Lord with our finances. Because I was more open to that call, he used me to bring her closer.

As I reflect on the past, it is clear to see so many situations where the Lord placed a call on either Susan’s heart or my own (rarely was the call given to both). At different points in time, Jesus has wanted us to grow us in a particular way and has given that call to the one who was most open to it. Then, while feeling the tension, we would broach the subject and patiently lead the other through the fear. 

Susan has a ferocious love that constantly calls the little boy in me to come out. The Lord has used her in so many ways to help me grow into a man who will lead his family to God. This is the work of the Lord, but He powerfully uses her to call me on. Not in an emasculating way, as the culture has been doing to men for decades, but in a way that acknowledges the truth she has come to know about me BECAUSE she is my spouse.

I want to encourage you to understand that the tension we feel when we are trying to help our spouses live more fully the truth of God is both expected and very good. Pay attention to the call and push through the fear. 

Remember!!!  God First, Spouse Second, Family Third!
If both spouses live this out, you will find a powerful and strong union in your old age.