As we enter Holy Week for 2021, I have been reflecting a lot about my sins and their frequency – particularly the sin of pride. If there is one thing you can count on the Holy Spirit to do, when asked, is to reveal your sins. During Lent I have been doing a study on the virtue of Humility and asking the Lord to show me my pride.

Pridefully, I started this exercise believing that I was doing relatively well in this area. As you can already see where this is going, I was rudely awakened to the truth of my behavior and the false belief I had about my own life and living the virtue of Humility.

The Spirit started by showing me my past and my initial journey into the virtue of Humility. The arrogance and pride of those years was quite evident. I don’t know how anyone, particularly Susan (my wife), could stand me. Living as if the whole world owes you everything can place a heavy burden on those around you.

The Spirit then took me through my early attempts at trying to act humble but it was just that – an act. The false humility was pathetic, but I didn’t know it was a false humility until the Spirit showed me. My attempts at denying my gifts and talents were an affront to the virtue of Humility. Humility is to simply live the truth of who we are.

The other major area of revelation from the Holy Spirit was in the area of comparison. We are not called to compare ourselves with anyone else. This activity is a major result of a world that is fallen from grace. Rather, we are called to view ourselves in relation only to God. Thus, we can come to a very quick realization that compared to Him we are nothing at all.

Pride, however, strives to form us into viewing God as someone like us rather than we being created in His image. Within this formation is a practice of treating God more like another human than as the almighty Creator of heaven and earth. Instead of yielding our will to His, we tend (out of pride) to doubt His word, intentions and negotiate with Him.

These are all things that many of us have heard and already know. Yet toward the latter part of Lent, the Spirit began to reveal something to me that I had little knowledge of: the amount of pain that my sins were causing Jesus.

As a human, I understand pain very well. Living in a world that has fallen from the grace of God is to live in a World filled with pain. Pain that I try to avoid by looking for possible ways I can get hurt. Yet in the midst of all this effort I never really paid any attention to how my actions of sin affected Jesus.

As I reflected on this reality and tried to put myself in His Sadness, I was overcome with the level of pain He must experience just from me. To live pridefully is to live without the future of not only Humility but also Justice, which is to give to each person what they are due.

Jesus is not only my savior, best friend, and spouse, He is also God. It is out of His love that I was created. It was out of His creativity that I was given the gifts and talents I have. It was out of His sacrificial death that I am able to regain Eternal life with Him.

He has gone through all this pain for me in His Passion. That should have been enough pain suffered for me. But that is not the case. Each time, I sin I cause Him even more pain and disappointment.

“Lord Jesus, I repent of trying to be equal with You through my sin of pride. I am so sorry for the plethora of times I have hurt You by rejecting not only You, but Your will for my life. As I enter the Holy Triduum this week, grace me to see even more the ways I have failed to live as I should. Thank you for loving me in spite of my hurting You. Amen!”