For the past couple of months, I stepped away to stop and listen to the Lord. There is so much talking going on that I, frankly, felt as though I had nothing to say. I came to this conclusion as a result of what the Lord has been doing in me during this wonderful season of Covid.

Early in the outbreak of Covid, while I was at home with no future work on the horizon, I had more time to pray and do work and home projects. While doing the projects, the Lord started inviting me to come to a particular chair and enter into a profound silence. Honestly, I was a little unnerved by the silence, so I avoided His invitation.

After a month a half of avoidance, the Lord basically shut everything down that I needed for the work I was doing. As I stood there in utter frustration, the Lord quietly said, it is time for you to come and be with me in the silence. Begrudgingly, I obeyed and sat in the chair. The first few minutes were filled with letting go of the frustration and anger and trying to be present in the moment.

I solicited the help of Mother Mary when I prayed: “Mama, you are going to have to help me because I don’t want to go and I don’t know how to get there. Please come and take me to Jesus in the silence.” With my eyes closed and with my palms facing up in the posture of prayer, I began to see a vision.

Our Lady came walking up to me in the front yard and reached her hand out for mine. As I stood in the vision, we walked and the front yard turned into a field as we walked toward Jesus. When we got to Him, he looked at Mary and said thanks. She responded with “you’re welcome” and turned and disappeared.

Jesus then looked at me and thanked me for coming. I couldn’t respond because He knew I didn’t want to be there. Pointing behind him, Jesus said: “before you can go in, I have a question for you to answer, but I don’t want you to answer it today. We both know that if you did, it would not be the truth.” I asked what the question was.

“AM I ENOUGH?”

The Lord instructed me to go to the back yard and work on the home project that I was doing and informed me that the machinery that wouldn’t work, was now working. He also asked me to do it in silence and the Holy Spirit would come and show me different parts of my life where I needed to apply the question: “Am I enough for you in this area of your life?”

The vision ended and off I went. Everything happened just as the Lord described. That time of questioning changed from an afternoon to a few weeks. I was not happy with the answer. I wanted it to be YES, OF COURSE!!!!, but the truth was no. I still gave myself to so many other things that I thought would make my life fuller. The Lord began to call me back to Him in the silence and I, of course, avoided Him. I didn’t want to give Him my answer.

One day, after just finishing my office, Mama Mary showed up again to take me to Jesus. You do not say no to Mama Mary when she shows up. He asked if I had an answer. I told him I didn’t want to say it and He knew the answer any way. He commanded me to say it out loud. I reluctantly responded “No” and He said OK, now you’re ready to come in.

I thought the silence was scary, but it was actually His divine love. I was overcome by His love and I know that I only tasted a bit of it. I can’t believe I wasted so much time avoiding it. It is in that love that the Lord can do amazing, transformation work to our souls if we would but make the time to sit and be still and quiet.

Many of us pray but do we stop and listen? When we do holy hours, do we fidget or find something to read to occupy the time. If your answer is yes, then you’re not alone. Many of us would rather be the busy Martha – Servant of the Lord, then the still Mary – sitting at the feet of our Lord. We “feel” better about ourselves when we are serving the Lord. Many of us will spend 98% of our time with the Lord doing some activity of service and 2% in prayer. Only a fraction of that prayer time is in silence.

As the days get darker, with lies and deception all around us, the disciple of Jesus Christ must learn how to be still and wait upon the Lord. When we do, the Holy Spirit comes and does a mighty work within our souls. The more I return to the silence with the intention of finding the Lord, I do. Like those mentioned in the Gospels, everyone who encounters the Lord changes.

When is the last time you encountered the Lord?

Is He calling you to come to Him? If He is, don’t wait. Sacrifice the time to be with Him. It is a death every disciple must die to follow Him. If you choose to go into the silence, I will meet you there!